Extra Dad

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Sloan and his "extra Dad."

Sloan and his “extra Dad.”

Of course I never thought I’d be an “Extra Dad”. I wasn’t even sure if I’d even ever be a father, being in a wheelchair can make that sort of thing a bit up to chance. I wasn’t sure I’d ever have the joys of being a father figure to a child but I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

About three years ago I started dating Sloan’s Mom, Carly. We met on OkCupid. She claims I was stalking her, but I see it the other way around (she winked first). Let’s just say we hit it off and talked quite a bit online, she was actually the first online date I ever had (hopefully the last too). There’s that little throwaway line in someone’s profile that says, “Has a Child”. I was focused more on her at first, and didn’t really think too much about her child when we started dating. She deemed me, “Sitter-Worthy” as she calls it and we went out on a few dates and really hit it off. A few months go by and more talk was devoted to him and I asked when I could met him. She is such an awesome Mom and it was such an affirmation when she decided that on a Sunday we should all meet up at the Hillcrest Farmers Market.

I had no idea what he’d think of “Mommy’s Friend” Andy, much less me being in a chair. I love kids and I love how they are always honest and direct with disability, but this was different. Within 5 minutes, we were thick as thieves and he was riding on my lap. I’ve been in a chair for over 20 years now (sheesh!) and little did I know that guy in a chair + cute kid = free loot. Booth vendors were quite literally handing us free muffins, fruit, soap and candy. It was an awesome day.

Andy's first day meeting Sloan.

Andy’s first day meeting Sloan.

A few months later the three of us are inseparable and I had one of my very first times alone with him. It was a Karate themed birthday party in Old Town. I was giving him a ride on my lap as we traversed the blocks through the main drag, navigating through tourists on the way to the party. For some reason that persists to this day, his legs “get tired” and “stop working” so he needs a ride… We went down one side of the sidewalk and crossed the street to the other curb-cut on the opposite sidewalk, when at the last second, I noticed that the ramp had a lip a few inches too high. Also, with 40lbs or so on my lap, I couldn’t quite clear it like I normally would as I was front heavy.

We both tumbled forward. Like you hear about car crashes in slow motion, all I could think about was him as we capsized, I wanted to make sure he was safe, I didn’t fall on him, I protected my face with my arms, and that my pants stayed on if I skidded on the pavement (long story, it happened once).

He fell relatively safely to the side as I tumbled face forward. This wasn’t the first time I’d fallen out of my wheelchair, there is a highlight reel my friends can recount of my embarrassing, catawampus moments. Needless to say, the surrounding tourists were aghast, everyone raced to help me up. I think when people see  us fall out of our wheelchairs they think we are going to melt if we aren’t picked up off the ground immediately. I got back in my chair and immediately checked on Sloan, he had a slight scuff but was fine. The shocking thing for him was how everybody completely freaked out over me. It jarred him a little. Plus I think he was thinking in his brain “Hey! I fell too what about me!”.

I think that was a big moment for him realizing that things are a bit different with me and even though he sees me as just Andy, sometimes people react to me and treat me differently (especially tourists).

I see him sometimes looking at people looking at me. It’s so amazing he doesn’t care.

Even better. He wants a wheelchair. We have a shared buddy who is Sloan’s age, when we all hang out he feels left out because he doesn’t have wheels! That just blows me way.

At a recent birthday party I was backing off a bit like you do when you are sensing a child wants their own space. I figured he’d want to play with the other kids. No, he wanted a ride around on my lap around the party to show me off.

Sloan now calls me his “Extra Dad”, I love it, it’s a special name that summarizes our relationship. Things aren’t  by any means normal or typical, we take our spills, get our free goodies at markets, and try to not make his mother roll her eyes at us. I can’t wait to see what’s next. He’s just getting too big for free rides…

Written by Andy Huesing, the Co-founder and Managing Partner of Tadpole Adaptive, tadpoleadaptive.com. An online retailer specializing in adaptive equipment for children with special needs. He also writes for Tadpole Adaptive’s blog, “The Pond”

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Best known as “Austin’s dad”

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Austin and his dad

Austin and his dad, Damian

I am best known as “Austin’s dad”, that’s a title that no one else in the world get’s to have. My son Austin was born with a Dandy Walker, which meant that his life was labeled before it began, but that has not stopped him from defining it above and beyond anyone’s expectations. The doctors told Austin’s mom and I that our son would never walk or talk, but Austin was not listening, rather, he was making plans of his own.

To fast forward, he is now walking and talking around UCLA’s campus as part of their program for young adults with special needs. Austin is showing off his social skills, music abilities, formed a swim club, joined the church choir, commutes around Los Angeles on the city bus system as if he has a chauffeur for visiting all the hot spots around town. I am amazed and impressed by his achievements physically, socially, and spiritually. Not only has Austin achieved all these amazing milestones, he makes sure to bring others along with him. Now he is including others.

As Father’s Day approaches I am reminded of the gifts all four of our children have provided my wife and I over the years. I have to say Austin’s accomplishments are special in the fact he has taught our family more about life than we will ever teach Austin. He never gives up, maintains a positive attitude, a great sense of humor and most of all a passion for life.

As a family, we always included Austin in all of our activities, it was a given and a blessing. Austin watched his three older sisters go away to college and made his own plans which he is now living out. Next, he plans on helping other children with disabilities achieve their goals, and I am sure he will. In summary, Austin has taught those who have had the pleasure to know him to never give up, keep a positive attitude, and appreciate the gifts of differing abilities each and every one of us has to share with one another. He is the model of inclusion KIT stands for as well as the example of what happens when we do: Austin’s attitude is always positive, his practice is always encouraging, and he changes lives forever.

Written by Austin’s Dad

Stay-at-home daddy

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Sienna and Kayella with their dad.

Sienna and Kayella with their dad.

My life has not quite turned out the way I had imagined it. I had thought I would get married, have a couple children, buy a house, and have a career working on private planes. Well, I did get married to an amazing women, bought a house, and had two beautiful twin girls (quite a surprise). Eighteen months down the road from that point, life changed a bit.

We lost our house and one of my little girls was diagnosed as at-risk for autism. Before long, life changed again as Sienna was “officially” diagnosed as having autism when the girls were three. This rocked our family to its core. My wife and I had some serious decisions to make. Our daughter needed a full-time stay-at-home parent.  The big question was “Who is it going to be?”

As my wife and I debated, we knew the person with better medical benefits would continue working. It turned out to be my wife, who worked for a school district. So, I knew at that moment that this definitely was a game changer. Even though this was not part of the plan, without hesitation, I quit my job as a private plane aircraft mechanic/ painter to be a stay-at-home daddy.

Our daughters started special education preschool in our town. Sienna attended the morning class, set up for kiddos with more intense needs.  Kayella attended the afternoon class, set up for kiddos with a speech and language delay. I found myself driving back and forth from preschool, making sure Sienna made appointments for outside speech, occupational therapy, and in home ABA.

Here we are now, six years down that path from where we first started. Now both my daughters are excelling in kindergarten, overcoming obstacles every day. They have both made me believe that there is no such thing as small miracles. My girls are miracles.  Also, autism is just a word. It is not a label our family lives by.  We believe in inclusion for all people no matter what their abilities might be. Inclusion begins in the home and parents giving their children the belief that we accept all for who they are regardless of any difference.

I will admit we have had struggles, trials, challenges and strains as a family, marriage and life as a whole. The great thing about it is I would not change my crazy life for anything, it may have not turned out the way I had imagined it but it has made me stronger, a fighter, and eternally grateful for everything I have.

Written by Jeff Crandall

Edited by KIT Staff

Three Cheers for Fathers Who Advocate for Inclusion

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Riding in the car with my dad.

Riding in the car with my dad.

Over the last six months, we’ve posted a number of submissions written by mothers who have become advocates for inclusion as they see what their children need.  While mothers often carry much of the effort, we know there are many others who envision the possibilities inclusion can bring.  This June, we will feature the stories of fathers who advocate for, care for, and enjoy the growth of their children.

When I consider what my own father taught me about inclusion, I know I am blessed.  I have few memories of the time before I learned to walk at age 4; but, I do remember that my dad carried me a lot.  Whenever the family had somewhere to go, he’d say, “Come on, Suz,” and he’d carry me along.  I know others must have carried me too; however, my memory is of my dad, perhaps because of the height from which I could see the world when he held me.

Over the years of my growing up, he contributed greatly to my sense of belonging and sense of my own abilities.  He helped me put my shoes on and took me to school.  In fact, he drove the school bus.  He oiled my metal leg braces when I complained that they were squeaking.  He painted my crutches a “formal” black when I went to the prom.  He taught me to drive.  While he may have had doubts about whether that was a good idea, he never voiced doubt to me.  When I began using a wheelchair, he designed and built a hydraulic lift for me to get in the house.  I still use it when I visit my parents’ home.  These are just a few of the many efforts he has made for me.

Please celebrate with me the contributions of the fathers we feature this month and the fathers you know personally who take a meaningful part in advocating for the inclusion of children we love.

Written by Suzanne Stolz, of Kids Included Together

 

 

Tennis Balls Do the Trick: Solutions for Teachers and Students

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Classroom desks with tennis balls on desk feet. (Image found at http://www.nec.com/en/global/community/necmd/e/collect/tennis.html)

Classroom desks with tennis balls on desk feet. (Image found at http://www.nec.com/en/global/community/necmd/e/collect/tennis.html)

I’ve been reading Paula Kluth’s book “You’re Going to Love This Kid” for a class I’m taking.  It has been especially helpful and the wealth of information can be readily applied to any students and to most teaching circumstances. One idea that struck such a powerful chord with me that I went out and immediately to Walmart and bought many tennis balls. I cut slits in them and put them in my “bag of tricks”.

Many classrooms have tile floors and chairs with metal “feet”. I have a student in one of the classes in which I long term subbed and to which I am frequently called who simply can not sit in his chair without constantly moving and scraping the metal on the tile. He is a sophomore in high school as a general education student and I thought for a long time that this was a behavioral problem since most general education students outgrow this type of behavior by his age. The noise does not seem to disrupt the students in the class but it has a profoundly negative effect on me and my ability to focus on anything other than the noise this chair makes.

I asked him several times to stop and he would not or could not. One day he became so angry with me and my chronic nagging about the chair that he became frustrated enough to get up and throw the chair about three feet. There seemed to be no compromise. The situation was escalating and the only solution I could find was to give him the teacher’s chair. This stopped the noise, but he began rolling the chair, which was a distraction to the other students.

Then, I read about rethinking behavior and found it to be perfect for me. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on this situation, assess and adapt the environment to my need to stop the screeching of a metal chair on the tile, and to help Fernando resolve this problem of needing to move his chair so frequently.

Yesterday, the teacher for this class called and asked me to come in at 11:30 because she needed to leave for an emergency. I love this woman and the kids in the classes. She likes how I teach and interact with her “difficult” students. She knows she can leave on a whim without making lesson plans because I know the material (biology) well enough to just pick up and go. I was extremely concerned about the Fernando issue with that chair, however, because my nerves were raw from a series of migraines and panic attacks. I was more hopeful than usual this time, though, because I had my tennis balls.

Fernando came in a little early at second period because he saw me on campus and wanted to ask if he could use the teacher’s chair again. I told him that I have something better that he can use in his other classes and gave him four tennis balls. He gave me the cutest smirk in an attempt to hide his confusion. I put the balls on the legs of the chair and demonstrated how quiet the chair became. He was so relieved and this completely eliminated all problems associated with that chair. He used the balls in the other classes and, after school, two of his other teachers thanked me profusely. I learned that he has been sent to the office several times by teachers who could not tolerate this behavior. This is the perfect example of how well assessing and adapting the environment helps students and teachers alike.

There are many strategies that can increase a child’s positive experience in the classroom and the effectiveness of educators. I took this book with me to school on Friday as a safety net because of the wealth of helpful information. The tennis ball idea was a life saver. I knew I could not handle the sound of those chairs and this idea blessed me with a tool that gave me the ability to go to work while I was feeling vulnerable.

Written by Kathy Hoskins, teacher

Edited by KIT Staff